Tag Archives: denial

Week 17a – I’m Dying a Little

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.  I’ve been struggling to keep up with the group in MKMMA.  I had trouble doing all the daily exercises.  And for some reason I felt alone, sad, and even a little lost.

Well, come to find out that’s NORMAL!

Lately I’ve been seeing my unique flaws more so than my gifts.

What I didn’t know then — and I thankfully know now — is that these “flaws” are my call to greatness!

My feelings of isolation, sadness, and loss are a result of the “old” me dying on the inside, and my subconscious struggle to let go of that “old” self and allow space for the “new” self to enter.

But that transformation isn’t easy…I am subconsciously hanging on to my “old” self and resisting change.  My “old” self wants to fight for self-preservation…even though I consciously want the changes to occur.

And so, the struggle begins.

There are 4 Stages of Death:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Grief
  4. Acceptance

Throughout the process, I have never felt anger, so that’s not it.

In the past few weeks I have felt sadness and loss, so grief may play a part.

But I am stuck in Denial.  I know this because I haven’t been as committed to the exercises as I have been in the past.  To be here — especially at this point in the game — and NOT be here 100% is to be in Denial.  And, since harmony is a requirement, I must commit to change.  And I commit to that change consciously…and just have to wait for my subconscious to catch up.

There’s a story about how to catch a monkey:

You put a banana in a jar with an opening just large enough for the monkey to put his hand in.  When the monkey grabs the banana, his fist is too large to remove his hand and the banana from the jar.  So the monkey is “trapped” by the banana and gets captured.

Just like the monkey, we humans can get “trapped” by our thoughts and beliefs.  We get stuck and don’t see a way out, when in reality all we need to do to get unstuck is to change our thoughts and beliefs.

If we wish to change our thoughts and beliefs, we must give ourselves permission to be happy, and we must learn the art of forgiveness.  Forgiveness relieves depression, anger, and hate.  Forgiveness frees the mind.  So if you can forgive then you can be free.

Drop the banana.  Be free.

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